1 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,606 Han, what're you doing in our bar? 2 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:08,109 You know we can't serve kids. 3 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,377 Or did you just want to see 4 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,445 what a successful business looks like? 5 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:14,115 I know what a successful business looks like. 6 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,550 My cousin runs a Blimpie's in Queens. 7 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,487 You have a relative that works at a Blimpie's? 8 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,456 Is he single? 9 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,294 Hi, I'm Clint, the new bartender. 10 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,829 It's a pleasure for you to meet me. 11 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,232 I hired Clint away from that cool bar down the street. 12 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,433 He has a following. 13 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,135 And his following followed him here, 14 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,136 and now we have a following. 15 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,538 You following? 16 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,273 Oh, a following. 17 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:42,210 Like I had on YouTube before they got all weird about nudity. 18 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,813 Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 19 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:52,052 Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 20 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,524 Wow. 21 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,293 Girls, this place has more people in it 22 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,362 than my first marriage. 23 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,263 Hey, Earl. 24 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:05,299 Cacao Storm for my diabetic dreamboat? 25 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,368 Well, you know I can't say no to booze. 26 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,603 If I could, I'd still be in The Temptations. 27 00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:12,406 No, no, no, it's very little booze, okay? 28 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,243 See, you drink it for the raw cacao. 29 00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,578 Yeah, it releases serotonin and boosts your energy 30 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:18,579 and your mood. 31 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:21,815 I'm pretty much a genius. 32 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:24,318 And I'm pretty much gonna pass. 33 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,722 You want to try a Cacao Storm? Huh, buddy? 34 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:29,857 Yeah, you do. 35 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,559 They're addictive. 36 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,328 Raw cacao with a little chocolate liqueur. 37 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:37,465 It's how I got to be such a big deal. 38 00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,200 And it's how I'm gonna get a new wardrobe 39 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,568 with the way these are selling. 40 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,903 Soon, I'll be able to buy clothes from places 41 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,307 that don't also sell gas. 42 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,177 I'll try one. I am a little stressed. 43 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,444 I'm entering the post office's 44 00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:53,481 Federal Duck Stamp Contest this year. 45 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,616 They still have post offices? 46 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,686 I wonder if my "wanted" poster's still up. 47 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,889 It is. You were a cute kid. 48 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,624 And they have a contest to design 49 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,393 a new duck stamp every year. 50 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,861 If I win, my mallard drawing will be on 51 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,498 official United States postage. 52 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,300 How can there be a winner of a contest 53 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:15,236 you have to be a loser to enter? 54 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,371 You feeling the buzz yet, son? 55 00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:20,641 You should. I only use pure Columbian cacao. 56 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,910 Strongest in the city-- actually, in the state. 57 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,645 I just didn't want to brag about it. 58 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,914 It's one of the greatest things about me. 59 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:27,915 Oh! 60 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,383 Yes, yes. 61 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,619 I think I feel it. A little jolt. 62 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:35,256 Wasn't that your American Gladiator name? 63 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,358 Why you got to harsh my buzz? 64 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:41,295 Wait till this duck flies to stamp victory. 65 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:42,930 Then I'll be ridicule-proof. 66 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,666 You'll never be wedgie-proof. 67 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,537 I just checked our receipts. 68 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,240 We already made $1,500 tonight. 69 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,474 Max, if this keeps up, we'll be able 70 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,277 to watch Hulu without commercials. 71 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,246 $1,500 in one night? 72 00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,580 I didn't even make that much 73 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:02,516 when I turned in my mom for the reward money. 74 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,419 Plus, it think this is better than you bartending, Max. 75 00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:08,822 You were great, but your "one for them, one for me" policy 76 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,225 got a little topless. 77 00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:14,328 You enjoyed the tips, didn't you? 78 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:15,796 I said "Tips." 79 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:21,669 Excuse me, excuse me. 80 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,608 Haven't you seen a stroller in a bar before? 81 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,444 Hey, girls. 82 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:31,979 What, you're not even gonna say hello, 83 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,415 'cause I look like garbage? 84 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,384 You didn't even give us a chance, Sophie. 85 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,453 You were too busy running over all of our customers. 86 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,289 Well, I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you 87 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:44,658 with the way I look, Caroline. 88 00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:49,363 Look, I don't have time to make me and baby Barbara look sexy. 89 00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,399 Max, maybe we should get manicures? 90 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,900 I haven't had one since Gwyneth Paltrow 91 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,369 was only a little annoying. 92 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,605 We don't have grooming money. 93 00:03:57,638 --> 00:04:01,008 I'm still cutting my hair with a sword like Mulan. 94 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,643 Max, we're doing really well, 95 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,346 so why not enjoy our success a little? 96 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,315 I mean, we don't have "screw you" money yet, 97 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,450 but we have enough to be mildly unpleasant. 98 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,619 No kiddin'! 99 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,622 Oh, come on, come on! 100 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,557 I want to get our nails did. 101 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,761 Why does it take so long for a load to finish? 102 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,897 Have you tried dirty talk? 103 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,768 Oh, that's my dryer. 104 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,036 Oh, mine now. 105 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,672 You snooze, you lose. 106 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:35,409 But I wasn't snoozing, why am I losing? 107 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:36,677 'Sup, Janice? 108 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,712 How's things down at the Coinstar? 109 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:42,082 I'm ready for a change. 110 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,619 Max, don't engage her, she threw my clothes on the ground. 111 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:48,656 Buzzer go off? You snooze, you lose. 112 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,559 Ugh, now I have to wash these again because there's... 113 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:54,962 what I really hope is fudge on the floor. 114 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,430 Ugh! 115 00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:58,432 Where's my underwear? 116 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:04,538 Looks like Ralph has a job interview. 117 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,073 Ralph, that's my underwear. 118 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,808 Give it back. 119 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:11,412 Ugh, I can't wait till we don't have to come here anymore. 120 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,581 But where will we cook our chicken? 121 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,551 You know what? 122 00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:18,819 We're successful now. 123 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:22,423 We don't have to come here anymore. 124 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,891 Can I have your attention, everyone? 125 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:27,528 Uh, that depends, are you a cat video? 126 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,597 I'd like to make an announcement. 127 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,500 As of today, we are saying good-bye to this place. 128 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,602 So Ralph, you can keep my panties, 129 00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,770 I know you have a wedding next month. 130 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,473 Max and I are successful enough now to afford 131 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,710 our own washer and dryer. 132 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:45,579 Or more realistically, a low-budget fluff-and-fold. 133 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,481 So take one last look at us-- 134 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:50,384 But no need to take out your penis, Marty. 135 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,489 Come on, Max, let's go get our manicures. 136 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:58,125 Good-bye, Laundromat, we are never coming back 137 00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,160 to this hell hole again. 138 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,396 You just put another load in the washer. 139 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:05,866 We are coming back to this hell hole again. 140 00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:11,739 Earl, we got manicures! 141 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:15,576 Caroline wanted our nails to project success, so... 142 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,782 What says "classy lady" like Monopoly houses? 143 00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,652 Wow, congratulations, Max. 144 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:27,488 This is probably the closest any of us will ever come 145 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,491 to owning a house. 146 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,959 Speak for yourself, Earl. 147 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,827 Max and I are successful now. 148 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,763 I said good-bye to the Laundromat this morning, 149 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,998 and this afternoon, I said good-bye to the bodega 150 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,767 where we get our flu shots. 151 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,502 You could've waited till after I got my 152 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,171 flu shot and sandwich combo. 153 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,574 Hi, could you bring me a water, please? 154 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:48,542 Um, could you bring someone water 155 00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,844 if you had houses for fingers? 156 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:56,517 I can't wait till we say good-bye to this place. 157 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,552 I'm gonna be really mean. 158 00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,020 I may do it as a poem. 159 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,590 What rhymes with "rat-infested"? 160 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,725 Flat-chested. 161 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,562 You better slow down. 162 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,130 We've only had one good night at the dessert bar, 163 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,832 and you said we had to keep working at the diner 164 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,502 till we made enough to be legally poor. 165 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:15,803 Okay, fine. 166 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,105 It's like those nails are making you reasonable 167 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,807 and I don't like it. 168 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,747 Han, your hair! 169 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,850 Who are you supposed to be, Edward Scissor-hans? 170 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,088 I was up all night, sketching my stamp. 171 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,157 Want to see my duck? 172 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:41,595 Praying that wasn't an auto-correct. 173 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,564 Look at all the practice ducks I've drawn. 174 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,132 The American Wood duck. 175 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,967 The Harlequin duck. 176 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,836 The Spot-Billed duck. 177 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:49,937 A mallard. 178 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,839 A mallard. 179 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,707 A mallard, a mallard-- 180 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:57,578 Caroline, take is batteries out. 181 00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,147 This beauty's gonna win me the stamp contest. 182 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,583 All I have to do now is color it. 183 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:06,620 And then sit back and plan my victory party. 184 00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,022 Guess which stamp I'll use to send the invites? 185 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,924 Gay flag? 186 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,760 No, a mallard! 187 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,664 Where'd you get that cacao from? 188 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,567 Clint gave me a couple grams before he left last night. 189 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,636 I've been micro-dosing it all day. 190 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:38,151 Why are you rubbing it on your gums? 191 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,287 Are you teething? 192 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,791 Clint says the buzz is stronger if I take it straight. 193 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,661 Okay, I didn't believe Clint when he said cacao 194 00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:50,664 was addictive, but I also didn't believe in leprechauns 195 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:54,702 until I started working for one. 196 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,804 If I cut my gums... 197 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,908 Will it enter my bloodstream any faster? 198 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,075 You're a junkie! 199 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:06,880 Han, you're acting like that time you had a whole Red Bull. 200 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,649 Okay... 201 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,784 you have a problem! 202 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:13,687 I'm telling Clint you're cut off. 203 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,656 Well, I'm telling Clint I love him. 204 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,691 He loves that. 205 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:20,828 Fine, I'll just finish my stamp without cacao. 206 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,731 Damn it! 207 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,168 Hi, everybody! 208 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,675 I hope they're never expecting Barbara 209 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,377 to have a short-term memory. 210 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,748 Oh, look away, look away. 211 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,284 Things have gotten real bad. 212 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,686 Yeah. 213 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:49,156 I look like all of you now. 214 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,392 Sophie, why didn't you come with us to the nail place? 215 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,795 It was so much fun. 216 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,730 I couldn't make it, I was too busy 217 00:09:56,764 --> 00:10:00,367 bedazzling Barbara's diapers. 218 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,369 I'm just gonna have to face it-- 219 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:07,407 I'm not gonna be pretty again for at least 12 years. 220 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:12,212 Oh, I'll be Caroline's age by then. 221 00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:16,383 Sophie, I keep saying, you'll always be sexy to me. 222 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,652 And I hate to sound all lovey-dovey, 223 00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:20,788 but you're giving me a boner. 224 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,659 You're just saying that 'cause you have to. 225 00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,961 I don't want your pity boner. 226 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,967 Caroline, if pity boners are a thing, 227 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,169 you have got to get back out there. 228 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,708 I was thinking the same thing. 229 00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,411 Psst! Psst! 230 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:45,913 You got the stuff, Clint? 231 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,015 It's premium grade, right? 232 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,417 If it isn't, you're in for a very 233 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:53,386 unpleasant conversation. 234 00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:57,691 My guy from Columbia guarantees it. 235 00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:00,293 Not the country, we went to college together. 236 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,461 Want a little taste? 237 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,263 You bet your butt I do! 238 00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:06,734 I want to make sure it's not cut with Nestle Quik. 239 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,038 Oh. 240 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:14,074 That's the stuff muddy donkeys are made of. 241 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:16,710 Max! 242 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:20,147 Uh, fancy meeting you here. 243 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:24,284 Clint and I were just bro-ing out over sports. 244 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,053 And breasts. 245 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:29,356 And...zoos? 246 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,458 What do men talk about? 247 00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,492 Hey, Max. 248 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,227 We killed it last night, huh? 249 00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:35,963 Me more than you. 250 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,431 You gonna want this or not, I got to go do my podcast. 251 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,168 I'm interviewing myself. 252 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,071 I know a drug deal when I see it! 253 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:44,838 He's cut off. 254 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,808 Like me on $2 margarita night. 255 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,978 Max, I need that cacao to finish my duck stamp! 256 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:54,214 One last ride on the chocolate pony. 257 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,950 Look at you-- chocolate all over your face. 258 00:11:56,984 --> 00:12:00,854 You look like Jonah Hill reading the reviews for War Dogs. 259 00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,390 Clint, don't you dare sell it to him. 260 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,826 You can't tell me what to do, okay? 261 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,294 I'm serious--I will quit. 262 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:10,831 Oh, hmm, I'll say the same thing I said to my mother-- 263 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,801 resignation accepted. 264 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,536 You just made a huge mistake. 265 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,271 Hmm. 266 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:21,241 You're talking to someone who watched the second season 267 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,843 of True Detective. 268 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,344 Right, Han? 269 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,250 That scumbag couldn't have taken all the cacao. 270 00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,519 Quick, help me check the cabinets. 271 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,387 Keep away from my drawers, Han. 272 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,289 You got to be used to hearing that. 273 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,393 Max, I just gave a good-bye speech 274 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,929 at the free clinic. 275 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,864 Oh, also, the lab technician 276 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,967 said for you to call her ASAP. 277 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,303 Ugh, Claire freaks out about everything. 278 00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:52,539 I'll tear this place apart! 279 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,042 Where the hell is the cacao? 280 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,810 What's happening, where's Clint? 281 00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,545 -He quit. -He quit? 282 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,280 But what about his following? 283 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,481 What about our following? 284 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,016 What about my good-bye tour? 285 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,018 Say good-bye to it. 286 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:07,354 I think I found some! 287 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,492 Nope, that was straight-up dirt. 288 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,261 It's for the best. 289 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,164 'Cause Jane Cacaoski over there can't get enough. 290 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,032 I'll just get back behind the bar. 291 00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:22,269 Now, if you'll excuse me, one of my hotels came loose 292 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,504 while I was giving someone the finger. 293 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:27,040 I guess I'm going to have to call that other dealer 294 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,876 I found on Craigslist. 295 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,444 I'm Ice-T and I need my Coco. 296 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,180 Han, if you can get that cacao, 297 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,083 Max can make the Cacao Storms herself. 298 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:39,486 I've seen her make opium out of poppy seed bagels and a Lacroix. 299 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,587 Han, call that dealer. 300 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,289 Already dialing. 301 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,392 I'm halfway down the Hershey Highway. 302 00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:48,061 I meant the Fudge Factory. 303 00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,596 I don't want to hear about your personal life, 304 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:52,065 just call the dealer. 305 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,004 Han, where is this guy? 306 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,305 I'm scared. 307 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,307 Someone might think we're a couple. 308 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,342 I hope he gets here soon. 309 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,112 I just snorted a pint of Chunky Monkey. 310 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,149 That's him, now act cool. 311 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,118 Yoo-hoo, Mr. Drug Dealer! 312 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,920 Right here. 313 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,387 You're embarrassing me! 314 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:17,124 Oh, also, tell him we're not a couple. 315 00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,491 You guys here for the cacao? 316 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,128 Let's cut to the chase, where's the dope? 317 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,295 Standing right in front of me. 318 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,397 -We're not together. -Shh! 319 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:25,632 You want the cops to hear us? 320 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,668 Would it matter? You're selling chocolate. 321 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,471 I know, but it's more fun to act like it's naughty. 322 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,040 That's the only reason I do this. 323 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,241 I'm so bored. 324 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,009 I'm a stay-at-home grandpa. 325 00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,978 Show me the skrank! 326 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:41,148 That's the word I made up for street cacao. 327 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,382 Here it is. 328 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,650 Had to kill a hooker to get it. 329 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,387 I wish. 330 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,389 My daughter-in-law works for Nestle. 331 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,125 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 332 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,660 Earl, what're you doing out here? 333 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:56,163 Just to be clear, I'm out here with Han 334 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,698 for business, nothing romantic. 335 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,133 What are you doing out here 336 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:04,037 with my Canadian Viagra connection? 337 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:07,074 -Hey, Earl! -Hey, Bill! 338 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,009 Hey, man, how's your daughter-in-law? 339 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:12,145 Still climbing the corporate ladder at Nestle Toronto? 340 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,146 And doing CrossFit on the weekends. 341 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,481 Uh-huh. 342 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,383 And Ted's finally got his real estate license. 343 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,319 -Oh-- -No one cares, Grandpa! 344 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,488 Tell that to the pigeons in the park! 345 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:25,092 I'm this close to main-lining Tootsie Rolls. 346 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,361 -Here's the money. -Not this again! 347 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,197 I come out here to smoke a joint, 348 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,432 and I walk in on a drug deal? 349 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,566 Shame! 350 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,701 Hey, you! 351 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:38,571 Get out of here before I pop a cap in your Honda Odyssey. 352 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,441 I'm sorry, it was either this, or have an affair. 353 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,376 And I'm just too tired. 354 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,314 Well, it looks like I got to go tell Ruth 355 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,083 it's gonna be an "everything but" kind of night 356 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,285 Jeez. 357 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,687 I learned it from watching you, Dad? 358 00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,690 Max, we need that cacao for our dessert bar. 359 00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,592 I already told the soup kitchen what I think 360 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,729 of their tomato bisque, so there's no turning back. 361 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:06,166 Your addictions are both out of control. 362 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:09,169 Caroline, there are no shortcuts to success 363 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,271 or creating a stamp-worthy mallard. 364 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:15,108 Life is a slow, steady climb to just getting by. 365 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,609 Snap out of it! 366 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,179 Me? You're addicted too. 367 00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,780 To these nails. 368 00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:25,318 No I'm not, I can stop any time! 369 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,623 Then why are you crying? 370 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,392 'Cause I'm on my knees in an alley 371 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,295 and nothing fun is happening! 372 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,098 Home wrecker! 373 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,499 You know, fine! 374 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:42,402 Maybe I like the way they make me feel. 375 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,571 But you--you were so high on success, 376 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,673 you were willing to let Han OD! 377 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,642 Or, at least, get really, really hyper-active. 378 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:53,213 So what? You don't care about me, Max, do you? 379 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:57,250 No. 380 00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:58,318 Maybe a little. 381 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,656 See how your addiction has affected me, Caroline? 382 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,259 I just had to admit I care about Han! 383 00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:08,395 Now I'm flying high on that! 384 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:11,198 I'm gonna go try to finish my stamp. 385 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,400 Perhaps some hot cocoa would help. 386 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,468 Administered rectally, of course. 387 00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,606 Found it! 388 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:20,807 Sophie? 389 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,277 Is there anyone we know not in this alley? 390 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:27,147 I found Barbara's bedazzler. 391 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,317 Oh, yeah, it's all about her now. 392 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:33,553 Oh, you can't be gorgeous and be a good mother. 393 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,156 Just look at Neil Patrick Harris. 394 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:39,826 Well, I think he's very charming and I think you're being unfair. 395 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:42,695 This might be what's left of my nails talking, but Sophie, 396 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,764 if you're not decked out with your boobs half showing, 397 00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:48,301 are you really setting the right example for Barbara? 398 00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:51,304 Oh, from this side of the dumpster, 399 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:54,174 you're making a lot of sense, girl. 400 00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,408 You really are. 401 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,144 Are you gonna start brushing your teeth 402 00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:58,678 and putting the seat down? 403 00:17:58,711 --> 00:17:59,646 No. 404 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,251 Here's your flan-tini. 405 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,153 And here's my flan-tini. 406 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,820 Good to be back. 407 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:10,557 Well, I tried, but I can't find Clint. 408 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,593 I feel like every man I've ever had sex with. 409 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,529 We don't need Clint or his stupid cacao. 410 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,599 Uh, although, his podcast was pretty interesting. 411 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:23,536 Those girls he worked for sounded like nightmares. 412 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,373 I'm gonna have one, two, three Sprites. 413 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,275 We're getting wild tonight. 414 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,143 Coming right up, Bill the Dealer. 415 00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:31,511 Oh, it's just Bill now. 416 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:34,147 I accidentally butt-dialed my wife during a major 417 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,882 Pepcid AC drop. 418 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,450 She took the minivan. 419 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:44,391 Hey, everybody! 420 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,360 No, it's not Suzanne Somers. 421 00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,262 It's me, Sophie! 422 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,898 Wow, Sophie got her sexy back. 423 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:55,235 Yeah, and front and under. 424 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:58,238 Sophie, you deserve a flan-tini. 425 00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,639 And so do I. 426 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:02,509 Oh, you know what, I did what you told me to do 427 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:05,645 and I dropped baby Barbara off at the trainer/babysitter, 428 00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:09,816 and I had a bunch of Korean ladies go to town on me. 429 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,384 Hey, where's Oleg? 430 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:13,152 I told him to meet me here. 431 00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,824 Sophie? 432 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,559 You look as beautiful as the day 433 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,595 we first did it on the sink. 434 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,798 Damn straight, I do! 435 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,801 Yo, what's with the white people's clothes? 436 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,938 Yeah, what's going on? I can't even see any nipple. 437 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,274 But somehow, it's worse. 438 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:37,477 Sophie, I want you to see that we don't have to be 439 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,779 the sexy couple anymore. 440 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:40,847 Anymore? 441 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,749 When were you guys the sexy couple? 442 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,852 That weekend you went to Amish Country? 443 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,754 Oh, yeah. 444 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,557 Do you remember when we did it in that buggy 445 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,492 in front of that family? 446 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:56,963 Oh, I bet they wish they had a camera for that. 447 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,532 You want to go do it in the bathroom... 448 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,867 buggy-style? 449 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,704 Oh, I'm gonna pretend that Jebediah 450 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,006 is turning away in shame. 451 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,509 I'm gonna pretend he isn't. 452 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:15,448 I guess we're scrubbing down our bathroom later. 453 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:16,549 We're heading out. 454 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,451 It's almost 8:00. 455 00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,553 Here's my last bag of cacao. 456 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,322 I can't do anything with it, 457 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,324 not with my cholesterol. 458 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,293 A tiny baggie of cacao? 459 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,860 What're we gonna do with this? 460 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,796 Same thing I do with any powder I find: 461 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,831 see what all the fuss is about. 462 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,869 Mmm. 463 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,905 -Not hating it. -Mm-mm. No. 464 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,576 Holding out on me? 465 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:46,446 You skrank skanks! 466 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,881 I'm coming in!